Dear future nurse, You have 30 seconds and a hallway to pass through. They won’t tell you that in nursing school.

Yesterday I walked into a room and told a wife that her husband didn’t have a heartbeat while she cried over top of me as I did my assessment. My hands trembled as I took the stethoscope to his chest knowing what death looks like and seeing it when I entered the room.

That part never gets easier. The lump in my throat grew bigger and bigger as I recalled all the moments I had with this patient over the past week, the good and the bad. I felt as if I was going to be sick when I remembered his smiling face waving at me through the window on the door just days before. The same window that I saw him taking his last breaths that morning. I walked out of the room and into the hallway.

The hallway they don't tell you about in nursing school.

I took the wife down to the car in a wheelchair as tears ran down her face and as I was helping her into the vehicle, she looked up at me and said, “what am I supposed to do now?”. You won’t have all the answers to the questions you are asked. No lecture or test can prepare you for these moments.

You have 30 seconds and a hallway to pass through. The hallway where you will have to compose yourself and move to the next patient.

I then came back to the floor and went into another patient’s room as if I didn’t just crumble between those doors. I had to pack her up because she “graduated” from my unit and she was being moved to another floor. This is a good moment. A happy moment. Take this one in. She told me that I was beautiful (you might do a quick vision or neuro assessment after that, it’s okay, you WERE taught how to do this in school) and she made me laugh with her witty jokes about a cute boyfriend. She won’t know how much I needed that laugh. She is going to be alright after a long struggle with her illness. Pushing the same wheelchair, I transport her to her new room as we laugh and joke even more.

Once we are there and as I am helping her up into her bed, she looks at me and says, “what am I supposed to do now?”. You might have an answer to this one, but no lecture or test can prepare you for these moments either.

Back to your floor, back through the hallway, you have other patients to take care of now. You might have the book smart. You might have some critical thinking skills. However, if you don’t have the heart, the compassion, the will to fight each and everyone of your patients battles as your own please choose something else.

If you think nursing school is hard, I promise you to be a NURSE is so much harder.

Nothing, no one, prepared me for the 30 seconds I would have to compose myself from room to room. 30 seconds to go from death to a celebration. 30 seconds to go from bad news to great news. 30 seconds to go from being yelled at and hit to being the best thing that could ever happen to them.

30 seconds and a hallway to pass through. They won’t tell you about that in nursing school. - Author unknown