TMUCTLUP was the license plate on my sister Brenda'scar for years (it's now made it's way into my craft room).  It will also become the title to the book this web site is being built for. But WHAT does it mean?!

The first several years of my nursing were the most awesome, the most exciting, yet most heartbreaking years of all.  I began my career as a case manager (visiting nurse) for Hospice of Arizona.  More about that later. 

It is difficult, while with a dying patient, not to shed tears.  When they know what is happening, you know what is happening.  And when they seem at peace with dying, often the tears flow pretty hard.  Some people say that any nurse or medical professional that cries with their patient is showing weakness and that it should never be done.  They should never be in the profession.   When patients cry, it is okay to share their feelings.  When their family cries, that's even okay.  It's even okay to cry when they don't.  The thought of dying just does that to people. 

During one of my visits with a female patient, we shared those tears.  Those moments that only those around the dying can tell about.  As I'm leaving, this beautiful soul asks for a hug.  I bend down to give her that hug.  It seemed to last forever.  Then she whispered, "you know, the more you cry the less you pee!"  

We laughed so hard, we both cried.  With joy.  Those moments we will never get back but will also never forget.  I share it with everyone I can, and each time, we all have the same silly reaction.

I don't know how many people saw Brenda's license plate while it was on her car, but perhaps one day when they see my book, and the plate is on the front cover, they will remember, and understand.❤